Yesterday, I went to sleep on a bit of a high and happened to see this special news bulletin on Mihin TV, the state television of the Mihin Kingdom in 2020, in my dreams.
“… The Mihin Kingdom border security has intercepted the 10th boat of asylum seekers within 2 weeks from the United States and Great Britain. There have been an increasing number of asylum seekers trying to get to Mihin Kingdom by boats from various countries after the Kingdom tightened its immigration laws. Recent global rating as the country with best living conditions has also an impact on the increasing number of human smuggling towards the Kingdom.
Most of these boats are carrying people from countries like Australia, United Kingdom, USA and Norway. Since the detention centers at Kaytes and Delft islands are overcrowded, the Kingdom has started building new centers in Kachchativu Island.
When contacted, an anonymous asylum seeker from USA with a masters degree in Economics and degrees in Business Administration and International Trade, said the deteriorating economic situation and security issues in his home country led him and his family to take up this adventurous boat ride to reach the Mihin Kingdom and look for better and safe living conditions. Even though the US government recently decided to follow the economic policies of Mihin Chinthana, we no longer can keep our faith on our politicians, he said. …”
Still in my dream, I searched on Google for the new immigration laws of the Kingdom. Here’s what I found.
Sinhala language ability
Should be proficient in all three disciplines (reading, writing and speaking)
English language ability
Should not exceed that of the King and the ministers
Skills assessment
Applicants should learn to get their backsides washed. This skill should be assessed through the Premier’s office.
Location
Applicants from Libya, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Myanmar, Pakistan, Nepal, Maldives, and Eretria will be given highest priority as a payback for their support during the war. Applicants from USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Sweden and Norway will go through a thorough processing and security clearance.
Health
Applicants should take necessary precautions for Dengue, Diarrhoea, Food Poisoning and Rat-Bite Fever as these illnesses are not considered serious in the Kingdom.
Character
Applicant should possess a good character and get it certified by the Kingdom Police. At no point during their stay in the Kingdom should they make any complaint to the Kingdom Police as they could be taken into custody as possible suspects.
Mihin Chinthana Values Statement
Applicants should accept that everything the King and his ministers do and say are right and nothing but right. Upon entry to the Kingdom, they should never spit a word against the King or his brothers. A White Van Brigade is on high alert on such incidents.
All kinds of alcohol are strictly prohibited in the Kingdom. Therefore applicants should give up their drinking habits before arriving in the Kingdom. Toddy and Moonshine are not considered as alcohol.
Mihin Kingdom qualifications
Applicants should be compliant with bribery, corruption and tipping. They should neglect all road rules when driving.
Occupation in demand/recommendation
Occupations in demand are for Sanity workers, cleaners, bus drivers, trishaw drivers, morticians, laborers and laundrymen. Applicants with a recommendation letter from a Kingdom politician at any level will be given high priority.
Charges
Visa processing fee is Kingdom Rupees 100. (USD 5000). Applicants who pay an additional amount of 10% of the usual fee will be given high priority.
Arrival
Upon arrival, successful applicants should kneel and kiss the sacred soil of the Kingdom to follow a tradition introduced by the King during the war time. Anyone who fails to do so will be deported with immediate effect.
Still in my dream, I tried to access the online application form for a Kingdom Visa. 404 Error!