Oh what a King!

A King, not so brave thoughWe are a lucky nation to be ruled by a King. Not just an ordinary King, but with so many titles. Some intelligent brain needs to find a regular expression if his full name is to be handled by a computer program. This King may have defeated one of the most feared terrorist organizations of all time, but he seems to be a weak person in some aspects.

For instance, just look at the number of souls flocked around him to strengthen his ‘arms’. Apparently every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to strengthen his arms, some with cloths on and some without. The King has no objection or hesitance in accepting them, which proves the point that his ‘arms’ are weak indeed.

On the other hand, this King who fearlessly fought with a brutal terrorist organization is afraid of contesting elections with an opposition which is as weak as one could ever be. In theory, he could have won any election at any time as easy as a walk in the park, purely on his immense popularity. But he still opts to conduct even provincial elections one or two at a time, taking nothing for granted.

The latest development is, the King seems not so comfortable with Astrologers. A not so prominent astrologer who makes a few bucks by writing articles to a pro-opposition weekly, has been in a spot of bother lately for allegedly making a prediction in favor of the opposition leader. I wonder if the rest of the astrologers would now hang on King’s arms to further strengthen them. Oh what a King!

Air Force One

There are only a handful of movies that I could watch over and over again. True Blue, Air Force One and A Beautiful Mind are a few of them. I happened to watch Air Force One today, after a couple of years. An interesting dialogue caught my attention while I was watching it. At the beginning of the movie, the US President (Harrison Ford), addressing a gathering presided by the Russian President, says “… real peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice…” True enough, isn’t it?

Kingdom news

Kingdom NewsYesterday, I went to sleep on a bit of a high and happened to see this special news bulletin on Mihin TV, the state television of the Mihin Kingdom in 2020, in my dreams.

“… The Mihin Kingdom border security has intercepted the 10th boat of asylum seekers within 2 weeks from the United States and Great Britain. There have been an increasing number of asylum seekers trying to get to Mihin Kingdom by boats from various countries after the Kingdom tightened its immigration laws. Recent global rating as the country with best living conditions has also an impact on the increasing number of human smuggling towards the Kingdom.

Most of these boats are carrying people from countries like Australia, United Kingdom, USA and Norway. Since the detention centers at Kaytes and Delft islands are overcrowded, the Kingdom has started building new centers in Kachchativu Island.

When contacted, an anonymous asylum seeker from USA with a masters degree in Economics and degrees in Business Administration and International Trade, said the deteriorating economic situation and security issues in his home country led him and his family to take up this adventurous boat ride to reach the Mihin Kingdom and look for better and safe living conditions. Even though the US government recently decided to follow the economic policies of Mihin Chinthana, we no longer can keep our faith on our politicians, he said. …”

Still in my dream, I searched on Google for the new immigration laws of the Kingdom. Here’s what I found.

Sinhala language ability
Should be proficient in all three disciplines (reading, writing and speaking)

English language ability
Should not exceed that of the King and the ministers

Skills assessment
Applicants should learn to get their backsides washed. This skill should be assessed through the Premier’s office.

Location
Applicants from Libya, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Myanmar, Pakistan, Nepal, Maldives, and Eretria will be given highest priority as a payback for their support during the war. Applicants from USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Sweden and Norway will go through a thorough processing and security clearance.

Health
Applicants should take necessary precautions for Dengue, Diarrhoea, Food Poisoning and Rat-Bite Fever as these illnesses are not considered serious in the Kingdom.

Character
Applicant should possess a good character and get it certified by the Kingdom Police. At no point during their stay in the Kingdom should they make any complaint to the Kingdom Police as they could be taken into custody as possible suspects.

Mihin Chinthana Values Statement
Applicants should accept that everything the King and his ministers do and say are right and nothing but right. Upon entry to the Kingdom, they should never spit a word against the King or his brothers. A White Van Brigade is on high alert on such incidents.

All kinds of alcohol are strictly prohibited in the Kingdom. Therefore applicants should give up their drinking habits before arriving in the Kingdom. Toddy and Moonshine are not considered as alcohol.

Mihin Kingdom qualifications
Applicants should be compliant with bribery, corruption and tipping. They should neglect all road rules when driving.

Occupation in demand/recommendation
Occupations in demand are for Sanity workers, cleaners, bus drivers, trishaw drivers, morticians, laborers and laundrymen. Applicants with a recommendation letter from a Kingdom politician at any level will be given high priority.

Charges
Visa processing fee is Kingdom Rupees 100. (USD 5000). Applicants who pay an additional amount of 10% of the usual fee will be given high priority.

Arrival
Upon arrival, successful applicants should kneel and kiss the sacred soil of the Kingdom to follow a tradition introduced by the King during the war time. Anyone who fails to do so will be deported with immediate effect.

Still in my dream, I tried to access the online application form for a Kingdom Visa. 404 Error!

Problem solving skills

Problem solving, learn from usSri Lankans have developed their problem solving skills incredibly well lately. It’s high time that the rest of the world take them for example as most other nations are struggling with similar types of problems at the moment. In fact, we already know that the White House and several other heads of states are studying the Chinthana booklet to find a way out of the current economic crisis.

Just a few weeks ago, Sri Lankans solved a decades long issue in style. It only took them three and a half years of intense war, a few hundred billions of rupees and a few thousands of lives. So what? It’s not my money or my children. It’s not my relatives or friends who were permanently disabled. Crash, boom, bang, wallop! The problem is solved!

Now, Sri Lankans know by experience how to solve that sort of problems. We saw them applying the same theory at the University of Kelaniya. It’s pretty simple. If you don’t like someone or if someone is bothering you, just whack the bastard out of the scene and wave the national flag. Why should you waste time on discussions, negotiations, settlements and all that crap? Our leaders have shown us the way and here we go.

There was another good example of our problem solving skills just last week. The Health Minister, using his unique analytical skills, has figured out the reason behind the Dengue epidemic. Apparently it’s short dresses that attract mosquitoes to bite people. Fair enough. In a country where doctors chop off the middle finger when a patient consult them for a problem in the little finger, you can’t expect any better from the person in charge of them, can you?

We have shown how good we are in our economics too. While most of the countries who give us aids, loans and donations are in an economical turmoil, we are just cruising along with a steady growth. You will see in the next budget how well we have fared despite billions of rupees spent on the war. Don’t be surprised if they declare us as a developed nation by then.

It’s good that we are providing so many problem solving methodologies to the rest of the world. Up to now, we’ve been looking for their solutions for our problems, and now the tide has turned.

Swine flu gone for a try

Swine Flu gone for a try in NRLWHO’s recent declaration of a Swine Flu pandemic, much hyped media speculation about it, daily counts of reported and confirmed cases and endless awareness programs throughout the country were all in a disarray when the National Rugby League (NRL) match between Brisbane Broncos and Bulldogs got underway last Friday. The NRL has ordered the Broncos to take the field despite the fact that most of its players should still be in quarantine.

There must have been financial and legal reasons behind the move, but it certainly rose more than a few eyebrows as the entire world is in a kind of a panic about this illness. But the game went on in front of a packed crowd and the first half of it was a thriller. But the Bulldogs came hard in the second half and took the game away from the Broncos with a final score line of 44-22.

For some people, including myself, this is just another type of flu for which one should not panic but take good care. This anyway is the flu season in this country and if you take 10 people, at least 5 or 6 of them (especially children) are having some kind of flu. A couple of week ago, both my daughter and wife had flu. The doctor who treated them never bothered to check if they were possible Swine Flu cases because it (flu) is such a common thing this time of the year. Both of them got through the illness with usual medicine.

Then I picked up the same illness last week. When I checked on the Internet, I was having almost the same symptoms as for Swine Flu. But I was pretty sure that it’s not Swine Flu but was passed on to me from my family. So I decided to rely on my usual home medicine for flu, Sri Lanka’s very own ‘Peyawa’, and after three days I’m pretty much over it. Watching the Rugby match eased out my concerns about Swine Flu, but for everyone’s sake, I’d be playing it safe.

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